Monday, May 2, 2011

I will! I Will! I Kate!


So I caved. I wasn't prepared to think of myself as the type to participate in the royal wedding hoopla but nicotine withdrawal has been doing strange things to my synapses. So, even though I’m nowhere near the zip code of a monarchist, I watched it on TV. Here are some of the random thoughts that ensued (be advised that some comments may sound harsh but they come from a good smoke-free place):




A bunch of hemophiliacs who managed to intermarry, interbreed and hang on to the rule of a country for a couple of hundred years: Sure, they deserve some credit... but how much and for how much longer?

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How different was Beatrice’s hat from Victoria’s? Enough to condemn one as a farce and praise the other as the epitome of chic?



* * *

Can you invite 2 billion people to your wedding ceremony via open carriage, media extravaganza, declaring a national holiday, etc. then impugn them for overstepping their bounds because they now want to know more about your marriage? By the same token, can you claim to be a public property (i.e. in public service) and then complain of invasion of privacy?

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What I envy Kate and William is very much like what I miss in my car: the smell of new. Things like… the heart beating just a little bit faster at the anticipation of all firsts… the excitement over a simple kiss... the mystery behind lowered eyelids or a sideways glance… the unspoiled illusions about the other (read complete ignorance of all matters pertaining to the other’s bowel movements).

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The poor queen mother in canary yellow…








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Isn’t William still in his twenties? Bless his bald little head, where did all his hair go? 





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Being a Vera Wang, Modern Bride but also Alexander McQueen fan, I don't understand the unanimous gushing over the lacey bridal number that Kate was sporting. She did not “manage to look contemporary and traditional at the same time”, she just looked very traditional. The press immediately jumped at juxtaposing Kate's likeness (the dress’s, actually) to Grace Kelly, somehow elevating Kate to her icon stature by this mere inference. I dug up a picture of Princess Margaret in wedding attire, and… but… oh… doesn’t that look familiar?




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If you were one of the 1900 guests who was not invited to the after-ceremony reception at the palace (and especially if you were female): You got to wake up pretty early, got ready for hours (hair, makeup, adhesion of hat to scull), having already spent a small bundle and agonized over your outfit, agonized some more about your final look, went by bus to stay in line in high heels on gravel for hours, whilst the camera dissected you like a science experiment, to be finally allowed to find your seat and repose your behind, only to find out that you are to do so behind a maple tree and several voluminous headgears, in the WRONG section of the abbey. Then it was all over, and you had to fight the traffic and the crowds, -- minus the camera because it was now following the happy couple and your 5 minutes of fame were essentially up--, to get back to your home, your hat askew, in your wrinkled clothes and your achy feet, to watch on TV what fabulous foods would be served at a party to which you WEREN’T invited.

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Did you notice how Kate and Will held hands in public only the morning after the wedding? Lest they inadvertently revealed the intimacy of those 8 years of shacking up before they were officially officiated upon...


the "let me escort you your majesty" hand-grip doesn't count.. come to think about it, she used the same grip with her dad... why would she not grab his arm... humm...

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I don’t think it’s fair that they can’t go too far or too long for their honeymoon because he has to work. Only two measly weeks off? The blasphemy!

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Do you think that Kate will stay home and gain some weight now that she’s done fitting in the wedding dress(es) like other non-anorexic post-wedding brides?


I could go on but it’s Monday and *I* have to go to work.


1 Comments:

At 5/8/11, 4:08 PM , Blogger nora.tomassian said...

Hilarious!

 

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