Monday, February 27, 2012

sexiest man, dead or alive

When I was younger and he was in his prime, I had a massive crush on Robert Redford. We're talking The Natural, Brubaker, and The Candidate. And The Way We Were ... That movie still makes me cry. The scene where she fixes his hair, one last time, ahhh, like a knife to my heart! And that slow, sideways, squinty smile of his, cocky and quizzical at the same time... He was the sexiest man ever, dead or alive!

I was not delusional, of course. I was fully aware that the man was one year younger than my own dad. And famous. And popular. You know, a movie star for crying out loud!

So after many a night hugging and kissing a pillow named Robert, I hatched a plan. It was a good one: I was going to wait till he was 70, and no longer the it-boy of Hollywood, and I was 40, and fabulously grownup, and I was going to seduce him. He wouldn't stand a chance!

Years passed.

The wonderful news that he got divorced from his long-time wife only made that plan seem easier.

More years passed.

And then I saw The Horse Whisperer, in a movie theater... Old age can be so cruel. And the camera crueler. The man looked like a freaking turtle, I shit you not!

And it's been getting worse, since. I mean, the man is a cinematic genius (remember Ordinary People?) and I respect his work and his vision, but his face, com'on! Some things just aren't meant to be projected that big.

If you think that stopped me though, you would be completely mistaken. Instead of getting all (understandably) turned off and giving up on my crush, I chose... denial.

So I froze him in time. Hubbell. My Hubbell. (Just you try and stop me!)

In my fantasy, I, K-K-K-Katie, recover from my temporary decade-long dementia and go back to him, to that lovely house in Malibu, where we live happily ever after. There is no way in hell we're living in Utah in some Jeremiah Johnson mountain, okay? That's just not how I roll and this is MY fantasy, dammit.

Of course, first, we promptly rechristen him with a normal name (Hubbell? HUBBELL?? WTF kind of a name is that!!)

Some have compared Brad Pitt to a young Robert Redford. But to me, it's like comparing apples and orchids. I can see some vague similarities, but Pitt ain't no Sundance Kid! There can only be one Robert Redford and his sexy is timeless.... at least in photographs. Thank God for those.

So who is your one and only? Who is your sexiest man (or woman), dead or alive?


At 2/27/12, 9:58 AM , Blogger Gristle McThornbody said...

OMG! Even in your fantasies you're faithful!

I'm much, much more fickle, but I span many, many more decades and heart-throbs than you. It probably started with the Monkees when I was about 10 or 12 - Peter Tork, believe it or not. Then we move on in no particular order to:
~ Mr Spock (NOT Leonard Nimoy - Mr Spock)
~Jack Nicholson
~Clint Eastwood
~Lance Henriksen (Not Lance - his character in Millenium, whose name I can't even remember now)
~John de Lancie
~Neil deGrasse Tyson - mmmmmmmmmmm.
~Kevin Spacey
~Ricky Gervais

As usual, I haven't answered your question about one sexiest dreamboat. So many men, so little time... but Neil Tyson probably wins if I had to pick just one.

At 2/27/12, 11:00 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

Guilty as charged. Pathetic, I know...

I can totally see you attacking Neil Tyson at an astrophysics seminar, to cut off a lock of his hair and turn it into a necklace, of course :)

At 2/27/12, 5:49 PM , Blogger Karen said...

George Clooney. But Bob is a close second :)

At 2/27/12, 8:14 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

~*s*~ Karen, you cheeky woman!

At 3/14/12, 9:33 AM , Blogger said...

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At 5/1/12, 12:30 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

I don't know how to answer that. (Is it spam, is it a person? I can't tell...)


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